oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
it's great music for shaving your balls
Well we didn't hook up. Maybe from his girlfriend's point of view, but not mine.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
Haha, you avoided her at all costs. And then she shoved her tits in your face
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
Girl re-adjusts bra, no one bats an eye. I re-adjust nuts, everyone stares.
So I was putting on a condom and looked to my right to not make eye contact, she said did you just look at the American flag while putting that on. I said this one's for Team USA.
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
Randomize
