Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
Remember when I peed in the trash can in the ATM room last night?
Never thought I'd say this, but thank god for my blackouts.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
Well for decently drunk, in the woods, last-person-i-should-be-hooking-up-with sex, i thought it was pretty good.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Randomize
