Why did every guy I have ever slept with have to come into the library today?
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
No He hasn't done that since the time he came in his own eye
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
I'm in that weird half-dead, half fucked-simultaneously-in-every-orifice-by-a-bus-and-it-wasn't-a-good-time state.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
