tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
dude, i think we just came across a situation where tits weren't worth it.
I feel like I could be a daytime drinking legend, like they could put that shit on my tombstone and right now your preventing me from reaching my full potential
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
I'm soaked in beer, and I think blood. Why did we think we could tap a keg with a hammer?
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
Even though he was watching you pee on his bedroom floor, you kept denying it and saying he was dreaming
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
When are your genitals available?
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Randomize
