if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I want you to come here and listen to her climax and then tell me how funny you think it is.
I was sleeping on the bathroom floor and thought a wet towel might keep me warm.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
The strip club incident sums up our friendship pretty well
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
Ugh. He got her for secret santa. Idk what to get. Idk what she's into.
... other people's boyfriends.
I had no plans to sleep with him, but he had to stay because of the snow. I always say, don't look a gift storm in the mouth.
We were literally making dick jokes with his dick out
That’s the level of friends with benefits I aspire to achieve
he walked off and puked in the sand. then he made a sand castle over it so that "it wouldn't upset the kids"
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