she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
i have officially banned the recreational use of bayonets.
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
How does one go about breaking up with their bf on vacation?
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
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