I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
Omg. If Ina Garten Makes roast chicken one more time im going to strangle her with her white button down
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
I wish that vaginas would just grow when you're ready for sex. Like when you dont need your vagina its not there, but when you need it...BAM its there. then no one would see it when you get drunk
yeah...or you could just stop doing cartwheels in skirts
I'll give her a pass for the first one, but after the second threesome, she should have learned her lesson.
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I am naked and annoyed.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
Randomize
