Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
There was blow residue on my chem book and my TA was like, did u stain your notebook with CaCO3?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
I just sent my ex off to a party, threw a condom at him, and told him to make good choices.
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
“On a break” is implied when it’s a Russian chick dressed as Black Widow wearing Minnie Mouse ears
Randomize
