It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I drank toilet water last night, I can't answer you because my phone is in rice.
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
Drunk is not a location!
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
Randomize
