i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
Gross thing of the day...i got cum in my new boots
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I might have beaten my fastest all time record going from "I really really like this girl" to "fuck that bitch"
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize