Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I mixed the ketchup wit the mustard in one bottle to save time making hotdogs
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Randomize
