I need a shot of tequila, and quick death
I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
I'm trying to arrange "Flawless" to come on as soon as I get up to leave the room after my thesis defense. Bow down bitches indeed.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I miss seeing you
i hope for the sake of your safety you were not with your girlfriend while sending texts like that at 3 am
Randomize
