I drank enough to make her look pretty . . It worked and i threw up while going at it
Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
Note to self: soco dudes get amusinly uncomfotable when I moan at the urinal.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
Totally just locked myself outside of my house, in my robe, with the fedex man and a box of sex toys. Not my week.
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
She just kept feeding people pretzels and sayying "You're such a good goldfish."
RICK FUCKING MORANIS!!!!!
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