she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
next time the cops show up in riot gear we should probably leave
and miss being on the news....no way
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
I don't know what to tell you, usually I would just ask if they'd like to meet the captain. If you can't get laid it's your problem.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Why can't they just let me be the gorgeous cum dumpster that I know I'm meant to be?
I lost my wolf penis dildo in my garage. I should probably find it before I resume my garage sale tomorrow...
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