I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
Why am I drunk on a roof painting at 11 in the morning
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
I was just asked if I wanted to struggle snuggle. She's a keeper
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
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