using no condom is gross. my vagina has a dress code.
whoa...plan B gets you drunker quicker.
Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
She narrowed it down to 7 guys that could have gotten her pregnant.
I can't tell if I'm still on the hangover from last night, or if I'm experiencing the one from tomorrow, because it was so powerful that it actually traveled back through time...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
Thank you. I woke up with a beard hair in my mouth. Super classy.
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
Now just crop his dad out and add it to the spank bank.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Randomize
