The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
drunk doesnt even begin to explain it. he said he was going to get playing cards from the lobby and came back 20 minutes later with a full set of sheets.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
What if for Halloween I paint my self gold and make sandwiches for everyone? I'd be a trophy wife! Get it?
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
I'm always down for nudity.
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