can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
We had sex in the tent after his 6th beer and while we were at it we had conversations with the people outside the tent.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize