he kept kneeing me like he was playing footsies... only then i realized it was his dick.
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
beeferoni + vodka = puke stuck in braces.
i just opened a bottle of wine with my dads power tools
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
I'm taking tokes in the bath tub, come if you want, I'm naked and you have to bring chicken nuggets or else you can't come in
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I just want to eat chicken fingers and drink beer and smoke in bed with my laptop so I can watch Netflix
So your not doing THAT great with the break up then...
My brothers dog was hit by a car and died. They're really sad about it.
But they're having a baby! It's like a dog only 40 billion times worse!
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