He looked me in the chest and said "I think I was visited by the titty fairy last night"
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
I'm taking this break up pretty rough.. I've never been to sad to masturbate.
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
Is buying her a loofah for my house commitment like? I don't wanna give the wrong idea
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize
