Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
You're going to replace me with a robot made of heating blankets and a vibrator?
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
Randomize
