We're going clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
What will that accomplish?
It will accomplish clubbing with matching soccer jerseys on.
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
I got an assistant at work. First task was picking me up at a strip club. I was drunk and trying explain how it was work related
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
Nothing can teach you regret more efficiently than a wine hangover.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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