I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
you traded sex for a burrito?
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
I just found out my mom named me after her fake ID from college...
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
A sultry night of tacos and sex sounds nice. Should I bring home milk?
Randomize