Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
There was a lot of him and a little penis
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
It was one of those "I have no idea if this will ever happen again so I can't say no" opprotunities. Part of me was like, "You slut" and the bigger part was screaming, "Hell yeah"
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
March Madness means a buffet of emotionally vulnerable dick at the bars almost every night. So yeah my vagina and I are big fans.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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