I can't breathe out the right side of my face
i feel like barbie the morning after an elton john party
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
This is a long quiet interstate without somebody to sext.
We could just go to Vegas and celebrate my singlehood and not contributing to the population.
He was singing on top of spaghetti, and then started crying. He said it was the saddest song ever, "so so sad".
Randomize
