I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
My gift to the freshman: I made an illegal stop, rolled out and dropped to my hands and knees and puked in front of the south campus dorms and about 20 families. Welcome to OSU
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My goal for the night is to see your housemate's one lonely teste.
Text me back. Urgent. It is a porta Keep the portal alive.
Is this the acid talking?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
& I just realized there is no vomit smiley. There needs to be a vomit smiley
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Randomize
