if i can run in heels then i can drive
eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
Dude stop singing. Your life is not an episode of fucking glee
I'm pregnant just thinking about him.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
Sounds good. I will just get tanked here and wear this batman mask.
You can wear my underwear. It'll be like old times.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
Just caught myself trying to make grilled cheese with the stove off. I think my dad knows I'm high.
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
