Bristol Palin says: Remember to use protection
Woke up with the note 'going outside. Ignore bloody spoon. Be back soon' taped to my forehead. Know anything about it?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You were face down in the punch bowl, humming the theme to jaws
That explains the stains on my shirt
My sugar daddy is a bigger asshole than i am. What's wrong here?
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
You came into the club around midnight with a carton of tropicana o.j. & said you were starting a revolution.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
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