piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
dude i'm inner monologue high
You should have seen k-money last night. She was just hanging on to the toilet for half the night. By her fourth trip to puke, she started talking to it and was doing the voices for her and it. She kept saying "...we thank you for your continued business..." haha
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
i had choclate birthday cake for breakfast and am currently flossing my teeth w a condom wrapper. at work. hot mess for 200 alex
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I spent the last 6 months operating under the assumption that I HADNT fucked a paramedic. I was wrong.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I'm dangerously close to tossing this whole "morals" bullshit and swan-diving into the fuckboy lifestyle.
His dick is social distance approved
Social distance approved?
big enough for me to fuck from six feet away
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