How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
i just saw the eighteen different ways i could die and only after that did i realize i'd made a poor decision
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I'm going to be blunt here. I don't actually care what you're doing tonight. I just need to know if I need to shave or not.
We still going to Happy Hour
Idk. I can't because it doesn't fit in my schedule of sleeping or throwing up
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
She can't brag about all the anal sex she has and then expect me not to awkwardly stare at her boyfriend when she brings him around
you told me your favorite colors were "pink" "no pants" and "Mexican food"
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
Point in my hangover when I'm honestly not sure if I'm about to puke, or shit my pants.
Randomize