I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
Would it help you get over me if I told you that I had unprotected sex last night?
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
Like, he's a nice guy. But he's better at fingering than he is at speaking.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
I let my daddy issue flag fly free last night.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
But the Super Mario beer pong table is more than appropriate.
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
I'm in his bed with no pants on and he's just eating a sloppy joe
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
