She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
Grandma can hear your bong from the living room, please be more quiet. Love mom.
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
He kept singing Happy Birthday to himself, yelling at the bouncers for not letting him in, and telling them his "father will hear of this." He was like a drunken Scottish Draco Malfoy.
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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