Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I woke up next to him with nothing on and my thong around his neck. I just put my clothes on and left, but he still has my thong.
Randomize
