I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
well, obviously he didn't fuck me for my strong moral fiber.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
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