why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
I can't believe she made out with my 15 year old brother. That kid can seriously pull.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Next time I try to break into the police station drunk, please stop me.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize