RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
its not a holiday until ive ruined the family picture because im drunk
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Is there really anything more beautiful than opening a fresh box of wine on a Friday afternoon?
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Our first kiss happened while shot gunning a hit from a gravity bong. Its that type of relationship.
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
So apparently I twerked on my coworkers last night. One month at the new job n I guess this is how I'm getting to know people
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
Randomize
