If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
That chode just called off the engagement. I just dropped his toothbrush in the toilet. And I’ve forgotten to take my birth control for the past two weeks. He’s fucked!
And then he asked me why the subtitles were in Arabic. The television was off.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
i woke up in just my socks. my clothes were outside, he had rugburn on his elbows, and a window was broken.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
Do you knowhow much it sucks to puke in an automatic toilet? Not fun.
Ew.
It takes talent let's just say that
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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