apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
Our friendship would be less complicated if your dad didn't think I was forcing you into having gay sex with me
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
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