SECOND walk of shame from the westside Hilton, SECOND foreign family w kids staring at me in my dress, glitter purse, spiky heels and booze breath. I said I was going to church. More confusion.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Like actually I will be single and sad and lonely for ever. Cheese will be my life partner. Robot sex is my future.
He gave me a back massage while we were fucking.
Did you get that?
WHILE WE WERE FUCKING.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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