Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she was throwing up and singing "I HAD a feeling that tonight was going to be a good good night." And yeah she was still in her dress.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
Apparently blowing a .28 for a cop and then kissing her on the mouth is technically assaulting a police officer. Who knew.
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
no, she just came home, mumbled about being a gerbil out of water then ate half cooked chicken nuggets.. normal night
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I had sex with him for the first time drunk, dressed in a toddler overall tutu costume, at 2pm. Horrible start.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
I sharted in court today and had to sit on it for about three and a half hours.
Randomize
