I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
