I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
I don't know if apple cider everclear was such a good idea
Though I do have to question why i found you and my brother passed out on his bedroom floor, no clothing between you except his tie wrapped around your dick
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Randomize
