I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
HE KEEPS WALKING AWAY. IT'S LIKE HE DOESN'T EVEN LIKE FRIES. WTF.
Her boyfriend was wrestling another girl. But, she said she was okay with it because she kept checking for boners--w the back of her hand like she was checking for a fever
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I was thrown in the air atleast 3 times by baby jesus
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I do NOT want to date a man who has no interest in going to a kangaroo farm
Let me know. Show me one boob if yes. 2 if no
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
They walked into the house to see me in my neon pink knee high socks trying to pull you out of the cat carrier by your legs...
Good News: There was a condom on the floor. Bad News: It was still in the wrapper
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
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