So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Apparently in gay bars the restroom signs are just a formality. Its a free for all in there
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I'm armed with nothing but $4 lip gloss gum and my phone. Ready to take on the fucking world.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
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