my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
I had 17 beers 2 days ago. I'm not dad material yet
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
Shut up. You had me at killer robots. Your place or mine?
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Randomize