I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
They were swingers. Real swingers. Thought it was going to be awesome until some fat guy tried to put my dick in his mouth.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Guys are like someone else's baby; i'll play with them but if responsibility is involved i'll hand them off.
My bed smells like the plague
If I'm not there when the plane leaves, I didn't make it through security. See you at home! Vegas bitches!!!
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