You drank the expired grape juice because you were convinced it had fermented into wine...you have a problem.
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Just threw up. It looks like I may have swallowed a cigarette.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
There was booze on his face and I wanted it. I'm not sorry.
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
It's kind of awesome I can smoke with my parents and tell them about thetime we used listerine in that bong
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
Randomize
