apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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So I'm really hungover walking to work and these douches from comcast on bikes ask if they can take a picture with me to show that they're doing their job. The picture: me, this chick from comcast, i'm holding a 2 ft. pixie stick, a comcast flyer and i'm puking in the parking lot. sounds like their doing a good job!
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
we didn't have anything to do and wanted to get our money's worth out of our costumes, so if you see two mermaids day drinking by the creek it's us
next photo in the 'cherished memories' series- Jess's bed. Note the vomit actually UNDER the pillows. shes a genius.
Highlight of the night was you walking into the men's room yelling "My husband is diabetic" and crawling under the stall to yell at me.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Did I call him? He cried after taking my bra off. You tell me.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
Like I fucked him in the shower at 3 am when I had classes all day the next day so he can't say I'm not dedicated
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
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