Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He was the highest I've ever seen. Almost had him convinced there are only three colors in the rainbow...
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
I was peer pressured into smoking weed by a bunch of LGBTQ teenagers
Randomize