she was so not down for the gang bang
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
I guess, just don't make it awkward
MY FUCK BUDDY'S MOTHER FRIEND REQUESTED ME! IT'S ALREADY AWKWARD COREY
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
We all make mistakes. Just lock them up deep down inside your mind so they can surface as weird sexual fantasies it takes your therapist years to decipher when your 40
Yeah. Let's save our goodbyes for when I'm obnoxiously and embarrassingly drunk and more than likely naked.
Tried to figure out where I was without opening my eyes this morning for like twenty minutes. Not even close. Not even the right state.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Randomize
