Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
you want your laptop back?
are you giving me my laptop back, or cashing in on our break up sex?
both.
come over.
somehow a sneeze triggered me puking over everyone in the car
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
Why let a Christmas Eve hangover ruin a perfectly good Christmas Day acid trip?
Can't really tell your Mom you are moody due to dick deprivation.
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
Randomize
