Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
i think god would be more upset with me for turning down such a beautifully crafted cock than he would for me liking girls
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
I just learned that the grill marks on a Burger King burger patty are actually previously burnt on there with a radioactive spray-on liquid and McDonald's french fries are actually 5% potato.
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