and next time when you feel me up, do it right
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
So can we just skip dinner and I'll just pay you for a blowjob?
Don't tempt me, I need beer money.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I opened my door to go to class and all there was was a raccoon puking on the doorstep. In hindsight, it was a very accurate omen.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
Being hungover in this office is the actual worst. Like they look at me and know I was wasted at 1 am, karaokeing Billy Idol at a gay bar.
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
Sexual side note: sushi and cum do not mix well. That is all.
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