just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
