Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I just found puke in my bra..
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
After arriving 30 minutes late, he slowly walked to his desk and halfway there he just falls over like a tree and passes out. I now have some sort of proof as to how awesome that night was.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So his shoes are still here. And there are three contacts in a case. And a shirt on the bed. I've checked my dorm and he's not here. I'm so confused.
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
just because he was passed out beside the toilet, didn't give you tge right to pee on him
my aim is off when im drunk
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
