wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
The only reason I kept his number in my phone for so long is so that hed pay for my abortion.
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
Thanks for the menagerie of condoms on my desk
It's the use of SAT words like that which make me want to use them on you
Dude someone is playing the piano in the other room while I shit and it's making it really peaceful
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
You tried to convince me you were sober by doing jumping jacks. For an hour.
Im pretty sure by the fifth subway ride after going in circles the four times prior, we all just accepted that we werent making the concert and should instead enjoy our magical weed and tequila laced journey.
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
This reminds me of the time you were crying and puking in the toilet at that party while i did shots of tequila in between blow drying your feet. miss you!
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