wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
In hindsight combining orgy Thursday with mystery drink madness was begging for failure
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
Drunk and bowling. Only good things can come of this
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
