I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
We're past the whole "Did she just try to finger my ass?" Stage. Now it's encouraged.
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
btw my frat has a search out for you. the "girl who threw up in the middle of the party" but it was on some fat girls. so thank you.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
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