god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
good call on bringing her. it's always good to invite chicks who mix booze and prescription drugs.
You're earring is so big in my mouth
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
i told her i wanted to be the Neil Armstrong of her vagina,
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Oh and no more ball pics to my family. Got in a little trouble over that. They have no sense of humor.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I'm getting paid to get fucked up. How much better could this get?
I opened the bathroom door and the starting point gaurd was eating out my art history professor
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