It's like sexual therapy. We hooked up. And now were talking about our recent breakups.
Emoooo
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Why are you taking pics in the bathroom with the plunger? I mean you still look hot and I'm totally going to wack off to it.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
It should be perfectly legal to tase anyone not wearing a mask.
Randomize