I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
We hooked up for a while and on his way out he high fived me and said "stay weird"
I will rip it off your body in ways are socially offensive but you still kind of like.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
IT IS EARTH DAY, RECORD STORE DAY, 4/20 EVE, AND SATURDAY ALL AT THE SAME TIME!
walk of shamed to graduation. ending college with a bang....
I don't know if the fact that I carry lube in my purse means I'm living life right or I'm doing it wrong..
Does she know she is talking to people who slam shots of fireball and chase it with vodka?
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
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