I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
You said you were uncomfortable with your body and then you started making whale noises
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
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