I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I'm challenging a 70 yr old alcoholic woman who is half my size tonight. Wish me luck
Between the hair pulling and the choking its its more like combat than sex
Sorry I have an "Operation Iraqi Freedom" fantasy
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize