how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
Would I chase a raccoon with a flaming stick sober?
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
Shit is getting real. I just adjusted my search radius for my dating profile to ANY FUCKING WHERE
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I am the most hated person in hoboken. Ive been doing drunken cake boss impressions down the street for the past 20 mins.
Randomize
