when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
If I had a clone, I'd fuck it with a condom
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
He's probably hung over. I sure as hell am. I want to pop out my eyeballs with a fork and soak them in cold water
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
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