Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
the breathalyzer kept saying danger. we made our new slogan danger we need more shots
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
I basically have the attention span of a ferret on meth when it comes to men
I need someone to sew my vagina shut until I'm responsible enough to use it
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
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