your parents love me but you hate me
On this egg donor form, it asks "In the past 5 years, have you had sex for drugs or money?" It only gives a yes or no option and no place to explain myself. What do I do?
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
Apparently senior citizens don't like that position
people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
Well, when you bump into your parents at a swingers meetup, it's time to change cities
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
Randomize
