Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
He described his sex dream about me using only emojis
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
