i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
When you get home we need to compare our schedules and set up masturbation slots. I'm scares of you walking in on me. Again.
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Maybe it was that imaginary ghost dick you were stuffing in your mouth a minute ago
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
Randomize