Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
your stepbrother is rimming his martinis with coke... keeps saying "thank god its tuesday". where does funemployment end and intervention begin?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
Wheres my essay?
You mean the vodka drenched shreds of paper taped all over the walls of the hallway?
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I need to stop ravaging the freshman dorm like a virginity-snatching dragon.
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
Randomize