About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
We did it in the bathroom in Taco Bell. We didn't buy anything before we left, which I thought was rude.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
Where did you go?
I'm not really sure. They have flavored vodka. I like it and I'm never leaving. Ever.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
She climbed in my window blew me and left. She's in my phone as the blow job fairy
Randomize