Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
I went to the gynecologist and they said, "you're the most fun person we've ever had," and i thought, "that's exactly why i'm here!"
Note left in log book: "4:30am a guy was caught masturbating in the bathroom and passed out in his own juices and we had to take the door off the hinges."
You guys are open that late?
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
smoking weed is really the only logical conclusion to hangovers
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
She walked in, looked at the bed, sniffed, sighed, and went to grab her cleaning supplies. I'd say she knows.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
Guy just walked in with a 40 and a Honda steering wheel. Where the fuck am I?
Randomize
