well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
you know, even black out drunk I can always remember the exact point where I should have stopped drinking.
Fourth time I had to be woken up in the line of Whataburger in two weeks. First time my shirt was free of vomit.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
I can't decide if this outfit makes me look like a pirate. I also can't decide if I care if it does.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
Did i fall last night when u carried me home.
idk
OHHH yea you fell down the stairs face first
she said a prayer for the pipe you broke. she did the sign of the cross and everything
Word. I want it involving like... sing-a-longs and sniffing glue.
Randomize
