im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
He thinks MY vagina is tight. That's saying something.
I just remember her telling me "Hi, my names Kaissa and I'm a lesbian" over and over and over and over again as I was crying.
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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