oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
I only get commercials for vodka and Rogaine now. You're exactly right, Hulu. That's exactly right.
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
The dog just sneezed and it sounded like a person, after I said bless you I freaked the fuck out and got the gun
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I still have your make up all over the inside of my thighs from the face sitting. Free tonight?
Whiskey and tits go great with anything. Especially fire.
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Randomize
