I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
well, if it werent for her you wouldnt have gotten a handjob in the middle of the bar. so, maybe you should thank her too.
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Walk of Shame today included voting.
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
He's the kind you'd bring home and you'd wake up and all your food would be half eaten on the kitchen floor and all your socks would be missing.
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
Just saw a fat guy on a flower print moped. He's my hero.
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
