Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
He was so bad, he was dry humping me and his dick was nowhere close to my vagina.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but my underwear and it was on backwards and my entire body is too sore to move...
Im glad someone is finally more of a drunken slut than I am.
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Just saw a dude in a banana costume get beat down by a one shoed black dude wearing a kilt...paninis is such a shit show after 10 on a Saturday
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I didn't notice because vodka
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
Your niece just basically announced she's a whore on FB so you should feel pretty good about officiating that wedding next month.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Randomize
