Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
The guy asked if i had a problem w/set schedules
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
did i have both of my shoes on when the bouncer threw us out last night?
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
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