I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
I'm at about main and main street
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
Dude I introduced the hot Russian girl to the hot Ukrainian girls. I am a UN ambassador
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
Diet Starts Tomorrow! Guy from McDonalds asked if I got a new car...
Then she looked me straight in the eyes and asked me if I missed my foreskin. Weirdest conversation ever.
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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