the shit that comes out of a woman's mouth when she knows you can't hit her is fucking unbelieveable
The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Just did my hair and make up at mcdonalds so we're in the same boat.
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
It must have been good head...he put down the Xbox controller
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
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