My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
If I believed in "responsibility" and "having limits", I would probably say I consumed too much alcohol in the last 48 hours
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
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