you know the rule: 3 consecutive asian hookups makes you an asian fetish guy, no exceptions
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
I couldn't even finish, she was lounder and more annoying than DJ Khaled
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
They are the perfect team. One always has weed, the other always has cigarettes. They're like the Batman and Robin of drugs
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
When she says 'Polish hangover cure' she just means more vodka. Don't do it.
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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