Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
Dude judst bought snd smokked tfour white widoew jointsd in Asmsterdam. Wstching the Cvhiefs gsme. Oh Boy.
You are why other countries hate Americans. But I say God bless you.
i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
I'M TRYING. TO WATCH. PORN. PLS HAVE UR IMPORTANT DISCUSSIONS ELSEWHERE FUCKERS
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
