could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
made the entire pub sing the british national anthem, puked, rallied, then peed in a telephone booth and have pictures to prove it, taking tourism to another level since 2012.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
She frightens me and turns me on at the same time. She's a keeper
Restraining order pending?
You can't text people with drinkers' regret at 8 in the morning. It's just bad form.
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
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