it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
Alas, very true. I'll sell some of my eggs and give you like 10%
And with my 90% I'll get a scooter with a sidecar. And a pony. Also with sidecar.
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
