i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
Any residual attraction has just been ruthlessly murdered by that mustache.
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
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