my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
Just rolled over and found your boyfriend in bed with me. Is mine at your house?
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
