so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
His facebook status is an owl city song. I'm so glad i didn't end up fucking him.
Hit a parked car with a "property of Jesus Christ" bumper sticker. Wrote out five hail mary's and left it on the windshield.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
His reasoning for leaving the keys in the ignition of my car overnight with the top down in an open parking lot ? Too eager to have sex. The sex was not that good for him to do this twice....
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I really wanted to suck your dick, but I also didn't want to miss any of the movie
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
I chased him for half a mile, lost him then somehow ended up at his house. Is that still considered stalking? I WAS drunk.
Her instagram is literally selfies, cats, and guys she's fucked.
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
Randomize
