Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
Randomize
