Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
It takes a special kind of man to fart REALLY loudly right before entering a woman and still get some. This has been a state of bootytown address.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
So apparently it wasn't anything really bad, it's hemorrhoids. Which is the medical word for butthurt. I actually have ass ointment.
stop falling asleep in the bathtub. you are not a movie star, you cannot die that way.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
Omg I joined a choir last night...
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
Randomize
