Quoting wale wont save you from herpes
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
Note to all middle aged "I totally let myself go after childbirth" frumpy mothers: I do not dress this way for your husbands. Stop looking at me like that. It's not my fault.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Btw, the reason I have a black eye is bc I needed to puke so hard yesterday morning; I whipped up the toilet seat so fast that I railed myself in the face. Then spent the rest of the day more carefully puking. Kind of why I'm not in the mood for drinking.
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
