kerrys trying to convince everyone in the bar shes a lesbian. cheers to not being the drunkest girl in the room. i probably wont piss myself tonight.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
My niece just called my sister in law a teabagger. I love NPR and it's corrupting influence on small children
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
We had sex under a tree in his boss's backyard, then I hooked up with his best friend. I don't even care how I got home.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Already at the river; already getting fucked up. And yes that semicolon is legit because those are congruent statemests
He bought a sex swing! He's building the playground of my dreams!!!!
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
Randomize
