fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I don't know what I would do if cheese never existed
Someone's stooooned
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
Randomize
