I wish I was a guy so I could jack myself off anytime I wanted to
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
She says she'll teach me how to make her squirt tonight so yea, I'm bailing again. I'm not sayin sorry since you don't have a better offer.
Would it be sharing too much to tell you that my nipples hurt so much that I couldn't comfortably go down the stairs?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
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