About me waking up with a tatto of a hamster with a top hat ?
hey.....beach week happens
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I guess, all I remember was giving you road head the whole way there so you wouldn't fall asleep.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
Ordained minister or not I hereby renounce all moral responsibility for any and all related occurrences
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He does impressions. Handy knowing you can get fucked by one guy and pretend a group of celebrities is running a train on you.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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