When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
Just because you graduated a semester early, doesn't mean you can take a semester off of drinking. Sorry.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
I was told i took a shot doing a headstand in the backseat then proceeded to barf all over my face
I had no idea you were so talented.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
