**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Good. Sleepy. In the middle of a pregnancy scare. The usual.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Its mothers day... Can my present be an orgasm...for once?
Randomize
