tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Well as our DD it was my responsibility to get us home safely. If that meant strapping you down to the backseat using all 3 seatbelts then so be it.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
