apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
her teeth looked like a whores toenails, i was too horrified to
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
My grandma had to be escorted out by police.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize