giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
we're making bets on your personal life
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Isn't it my whole life blown into this perfect spoon shaped piece of melted and artificially colored sand?
Wow.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
this new dose of ADD meds is totally being waisted with the unemployed new graduate thing if only I could add my hyper focused side effects to a coverletter
Because you touch yourself at night.
...What time of day am I supposed to do it?
Rolled over in bed this morning and found Nutella and wet naps. Why can't it ever be a fire fighter, or Jude Law.
Randomize
