A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Imagine a baby lion feeding on an injured gazelle and it tasting fresh blood for the first time. That's me and this breakfast sammich
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Congratulations, I drank so much for your birthday that I'm shitting blood.
Don't judge them too harshly for getting kicked out of a strip club. Happens to the best of us.
You are the coolest girlfriend ever.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
Randomize
