sometimes I tug on my anal hairs for pleasure
you've officially gone too far. we are no longer friends
worst night to have a conscience
she gave me one of those friendship bracelets and said as long as I wore it it was like an all-access pass to her vagina
Dude I woke up in her bed wearing a top hat and bunny slippers and noticed one of us had pissed in bed. The last thing I wanted to ask for was a ride home
I cartwheeled across every street... They tried to stop me but I bit anyone who came near me
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
He had to put the child locks on the windows so you would stop screaming at random boys
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
I told some guy on tinder, that apparently has a prosthetic leg, that I think we started off on the wrong foot. I hate myself...
I'm taking a shower and i'm gonna bring my pocketknife with me
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
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