dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
I could hear them screwing through my bedroom wall again this morning, so I started beat boxing to the tempo.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
My cab driver just started a conversation with "Three years ago I pleaded guilty..." Check on me later tonight please.
I'm still drunk. I put on workout clothes this morning and just puked in my bathroom. That's the same as going to the gym, right?
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
Randomize
