how can u be prego again
He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
We woke up, fucked twice, she drank 3 warm heinekins to cure her hangover and said "Im glad you're still hott when im sober"
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
