umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
i googled waterboarding like you asked. as long as you do it outside. we have carpet. but i wont be a part of it.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Drinking vodka in the bathtub.... If I don't make it, I thank you for your magical parts
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
WHY IS IT FROWNED UPON THE DRESS UP IN CAT COSTUMES AND SIT OUTSIDE OF BARS WITH A BOX OF WINE I THOUGHT THIS WAS AMERICA
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
Randomize
