I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
there is nothing more satisfying than playing sudoku while pooping
you just can't say no to drugs on a mirrored table.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
If the blowjob was before the wedding, we're not technically related, right?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
The main two things I remember from last night is you "spanking Katey into reality" and watching her barf in terror.
Jesus Christ I am the crazy cat lady of vibrators
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
You left a motherfucking bruise. ON MY TIT. How? How do you even. No.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Randomize
