Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
Apparently I walked to Denny's in the pouring rain without shoes just socks last night. Excellent.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
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