i was gonna tell him a really embarassing story about you, but then i remembered im in all of them
im sorry but my first introduction to your dick isn't going to be a pic sent from the men's room
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
Yess he was literally so drunk that like at one point I'm pretty sure he thought it was hard and in when neither were true :/ haha
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
Please can we have sex in this office for old times sake
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
I just fanned myself with my wet toothbrush to dry my mascara. Wtf
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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