she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I will kill you in such a brutal way if you ever de-pants me again on the dance floor it will make the stock market ticker
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Dude just saw some some guy puke out of a car window on the highway going to school.
Randomize
