my last 3 google searches were anal itchy vagina and ice cubes
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
Just asked the bartender if I could use the register to see my grades.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
I think we need to dedicate ourselves to building your stamina back to uterus breaking level
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
I don't think I have face palmed that many times in such a short period. And I've worked tech support.
Fast is cars. Home is I now. Drunk yoda me is.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
