Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
How bad was it?
You ran around telling everyone that you were going to click them to death on google earth
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
it's not cheating when I paid for it
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
Just saw my father's penis. Don't know what to say.
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Who looks around on a bright, sunny day and says, "you know what? Today I'm going to write gay dinosaur erotica"
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Randomize
