I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
You want to know how I feel? I feel like Cady Heron pushed me in front of a bus last night.
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
You ate ashes out of my bong
yeah i'm making him "thanks for letting me befriend your toilet" cookies. wanna help? i'm sure you'll be making new friends too.
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
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