i just woke up and its 10 o'clock and the words "Robbies Fave Restraunt" and written in sharpie above my vage. Help me.
Baconater + red wine = first meal of the day
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
I've been randomly kik messaging bearded men I find on Instagram while sitting unshowered in my underpants. I'm like the girl version of a creepy uncle.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Randomize
