WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Literally had sex in his grow room under a plant.. ganja queen .
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
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