Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
Every time I type "should" my phone autocorrects to "shouldn't". even my phone knows my ideas are terrible.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I fit in backpacks. BOOM HERE I AM! Like a stripper from a cake.
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
Randomize
